These last couple months have been, by far, the most difficult regarding our adoption process. It seems we are "stuck" in the process. Things have pretty much come to a halt. In March we were given the OK to travel despite not having a court date. We would travel to meet our babies and have our POA in Ghana would attend court for us when the time came. Plane tickets were bought and all arrangements made. Then came a devastating email from our agency. The regional director in Ghana said we could not travel. Now, he does not actually have the power to say whether or not we can travel to Ghana but he does have the power over our adoption process. So, needless to say, we cancelled our plans. We were confused, frustrated, and angry! None of this made any sense but there wasn't anything our agency could do about it. UGH!!! Again, we wait.
For the first time in my Christian walk I was questioning God. Why is this taking so long? What is His will in all this? When will our children come home? Will our children come home? Silence. That is what I was getting. Day after day we have thought about just walking away. The tears, the heart ache, the frustration...it is weighing heavy on all of our hearts. The only thing I keep hearing from the Lord is...WAIT. *SIGH*
I have felt myself slowly drifting away from the Lord. My prayers became few and far between, my Bible reading almost non existent, my church attendance was beginning to wane. On Sunday, I chose to stay home rather than attend church with my family. The thought of fellowshipping and answering questions about our adoption was just overwhelming to me. I turned on live stream and listened to the sermon while cleaning. It was definitely a time of healing for me. The real blessing came later. First a sweet text from a new friend checking on me and letting me know she is praying for me. Then, later in the evening, a Facebook message from another friend. The one statement from her that sticks in my mind is "Draw nigh my sister in Christ". Yeah, exactly what I wasn't doing! The following day another dear friend texted me and asked if she could pray with me. Wow! The Lord was sending in His army to rescue me from my despair. I got the message and I am grateful for those amazing friends and the rest of my church family for their prayers, encouragement, and support throughout this whole process. I am blessed beyond measure. A special thank you to Melissa, Ashley, and LaSonya. Your words and prayers were a balm to my heart. I love you all dearly! A special thank you as well to my wonderful husband. He is my rock...always steady, always there to bring me back to earth. I love you babe!
So, here I am, feeling convicted in so many ways. Something needs to change and that something is me! By turning away from God I opened up a big ole door for the enemy and, let me tell you, he let himself right on in! My whole family is being attacked. The devil is tempting us and without God we are falling prey to that temptation. NO MORE! It stops today. Our family will be doing a media fast. For me that means no Facebook and no Hulu. These are my two biggest downfalls when I am feeling bad. So, my goal is every time I feel the urge to pick up my phone to look at Facebook, instead I will pick up my Bible and read a Psalm. Every time I feel the urge to hide in my bedroom and watch a TV show on Hulu (we don't have cable), instead I will turn on a Hymn and allow God to minister to my heart through song. The kids will also be fasting from electronics. My hope and my prayer is that we will turn to God in our times of distress rather than to the world. That we will draw strength from him.
James 4:8 says: Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
My dear friends, I ask for your prayers during this time of cleansing for my family. I also ask that you specifically be in prayer for our adoption process from May 5-May 13 which is when the director or our agency will be traveling. We will be doing a media fast until we hear news from Ghana. Please join me in praying that God will hear our plea for a court date and that this will be the news we hear in May. Thank you!
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9